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Wadatacce
Bayan makonni marasa iyaka na mafaka a wurin, abokin aikinku ya fara samun ɓarna a kusa da gefuna. Bai daina aski ba. Ta daina sa rigar mama.
Manufar soyayya mai dawwama tana jin an daɗe da ɓacewa, kuma wataƙila ba za ku ƙara jin daɗin soyayya nan take ba ga abokin tarayya.
Babu ɗayanku da ya yi wanka a cikin kwanaki, kuma ku biyun kuna yin la'akari sosai ko za ku yi gwaji tare da "No Poo Method" na cire shamfu gaba ɗaya da wanke shi da madaidaicin madadin, kamar apple cider vinegar ko soda burodi.
Neman soyayya nan take
Idanunku sun karkata kan tafiyarku ta yau da kullun, kuma, ta amfani da ƙamus na coronavirus, kuna yanke shawarar "tazara tsakanin jama'a" ta hanyar tafiya a tsakiyar titi, ƙafa shida banda masu wucewa ta gefen hanya. Ciwon hankula, kumburin kwatangwalo, da runguma a gefe ba abin tambaya bane!
Abokin aikinku a gida yana "lafiya," amma ra'ayin rungumar su ya rasa abin roko. Maimakon haka, hankalinku ya juyo ga mai siyar da kaya a kantin kayan miya don soyayya nan take.
Hawan jirgi zuwa Jamaica tare, lokacin da rashin tabbas na COVID-19 ya ƙare, kwatsam ya zama kamar abin sha'awa. Amma, jira minti daya. Mai siyar da kaya a kantin kayan miya?
Me ta samu wanda abokin aikinku a gida ya rasa? Me game da manufar soyayya ta rayuwa da alƙawarin dangantaka mai daɗewa da kuka yi tare da matarka?
Takeaways daga soyayya nan take
Menene soyayya nan take tare da mai karɓar kuɗi zai koya mana game da ƙauna madawwami? Abu na farko da mai ba da kuɗi na sada zumunci ke yi lokacin da abokin ciniki ya kusanto shi ne 'Sanarwa.'
Murmushirsu da idanunsu da aka kalle ku na iya isa su haifar da jan hankali. Dan Adam a dabi'ance yake da zamantakewa; muna son a gan mu. Yin hulɗa tare da wasu "shine kawai abin da aka gina mu mu yi, kuma muna yin shi ba tare da ƙoƙarin yin shi ba ..." (Mitchell, 2002, shafi na 66).
Masana ilimin halayyar dan adam waɗanda ke nazarin alaƙar sun daɗe suna lura da yadda yara ke zama marasa nutsuwa yayin da iyaye suka hana sha'awa ta hanyar dubansu a sarari tare da "har yanzu fuska" (Tronick, 2009).
Kalli wannan bidiyon don gwajin fuska har yanzu:
Don haka, lokacin da kuka shigo ƙofar daga tafiya, kada ku yi ihu kawai "Ina gida!" da gudu zuwa kwamfutarka. Sanarwa abokin tarayya. Nemo su, duba su cikin ido, da murmushi!
Kamar “madaidaicin madaidaicin madaidaici” (Mitchell, shafi na 76), inda abubuwanmu na ciki da na waje ke ci gaba da sake fasalin juna, lokacin da kuka yi murmushi ga abokin tarayya, ba wai kawai za su ji haɗin ba.
A zahirin gaskiya, lokacin da suka sake murmusawa, za ku ji shi ma.
Abu na gaba wanda mai ba da kuɗin ku na sada zumunci zai yi shine 'magana ' zuwa gare ku. Musamman, za ta yi tambaya. "Me kuke tunani game da hummus mai yaji?" ko "Yaya kuke zama cikin koshin lafiya yayin COVID-19?"
Kamar ɗaukar sanarwa, yin tambayoyi hanya ce mai sauƙi don jin haɗin kai. Kwararrun likitocin ma’aurata Julie da John Gottman sun haɓaka manufar “Taswirar Soyayya”.
Binciken Gottmans ya nuna cewa ma'aurata masu juriya "sun haɓaka" taswirar "alaƙar su da tarihin ta - wanda ya ƙunshi damuwar kowane mutum, abubuwan da yake so, gogewa, da gaskiya.” (Gottman & Gottman, 2019).
Sun yanke shawarar haɓaka wani motsa jiki inda ma'aurata ke yiwa junansu tambayoyi marasa ma'ana. Misali, menene kakar da kuka fi so? Me kuke mafarkin cimmawa a cikin shekaru goma masu zuwa?
Menene matsayin da kuka fi so don yin soyayya? Don haka, bayan kun amince da abokin tarayya da murmushi, yi musu tambaya ko biyu. Sannan, duba su da kyau kuma saurari amsar su.
Murmushi da yin tambayoyi na iya ba ku damar balaguron balaguro zuwa Jamaica tare da mai karɓar kuɗin ku, amma wataƙila ba zai isa ya raya soyayya ba har tsawon rayuwa.
Shawarwari na dogon lokaci
Neman ƙauna ta gaskiya yana da sauƙin sauƙi idan aka kwatanta da kiyaye alaƙar rayuwa. Don haka, menene ke sa dangantaka ta dore?
Dangantakar soyayya mai dorewa tana bunƙasa idan akwai haɗin kai tsakanin abokan tarayya.
Fahimta da kula da juna a matakin motsin rai yana ƙarfafa alaƙar. Gano abin da kuke ji, iya sanin abin da kuke ji ba tare da ya rinjaye ku ba, da raba abin da kuke ji da wani mutum ƙwarewa ce ta kusanci.
Don samun damar “san abin da mutum ke ji da kuma rayuwa tare da sakamakon” fata ce da wasu masu ilimin halin ƙwaƙwalwa ke ɗauka a matsayin manufar ilimin motsa jiki (Jurist, 2018, p. x). Kasancewa sanannu na iya taimaka mana jin kwanciyar hankali da kwanciyar hankali a cikin dangantakar soyayya.
Don haka, ci gaba, kuma juyar da hankalin ku daga ƙauna nan take zuwa ƙauna madawwami.
Bayan kun yi murmushi kuma ku tambayi abokin aikinku wasu tambayoyi masu jan hankali, muddin ba a keɓe su ba, ku ba su babbar runguma.
Ƙaunar nan take ga mai karɓar kuɗi ta sada zumunci na iya roko a yau, amma a ƙarshe, ƙoƙarin da ake yi na ƙauna mai dorewa ya fi samun lada.
Reference: Jurist, E. (2018) Tunawa da Motsa Jiki- Noma Hankali a cikin Ilimin halin ƙwaƙwalwa. New York; Gilford Danna