Jo Nicholl mai koyar da alaƙa ne kuma masanin ilimin halayyar ɗan adam wanda ke aiki tare da mutane da ma'aurata a cikin shekaru 25 da suka gabata kuma yana taimaka musu ƙirƙirar aure mai daɗi ko alaƙar da suke nema.
Ga kadan daga cikin hirar da ta yi da Marriage.com, inda ta yi mata karin haske Podcast na Taswirar Soyayya ' jerin kuma yana ba da bayanai masu mahimmanci kan yadda farfajiya ke taimaka wa mutane wajen koyan ƙudurin rikici da ƙwarewar sadarwar ma'aurata don samun rayuwar soyayya da suke so tare da haifar da farin cikin aure.
- Marriage.com: Menene ra'ayin bayan jerin shirye -shiryen kwasfan shirye -shiryen Taswirar Soyayya?
Jo: Manufar bayan kwasfan fayilolin Taswirar Ƙauna ita ce bayar da dabarun dangantaka da fahimtar hankali ga mutanen da ke sha'awar yadda za su sami rayuwar soyayya da suke ɗokin gani.
Na san tsawon shekaru da yawa na yin aiki tare da ma'aurata da daidaikun mutane cewa ba a koya wa mutane yadda ake zama cikin alaƙa ba, kuma abin da muke so daga alaƙa galibi ya sha bamban da abin da iyayenmu suke so ko tsammani.
Babu ɗayanmu da ake koya wa abin da ake buƙata don kula da kyakkyawar dangantaka da ci gaba da soyayya. A cikin kowane shirin Taswirar Ƙauna, Ina magana da sauran masu ilimin hanyoyin kwantar da hankali da mutanen da ke zurfafa binciken duniyar alaƙa don ba wa mai sauraro fa'idodi masu mahimmanci da kayan aiki kyauta.
- Marriage.com: A cewar ku, makasudin maganin ba shine don magance matsaloli ba amma ku warware su. Ta yaya kuke tabbatar da hakan?
Jo: Rarraba matsalolin shine tsarin warwarewa, tare da abokin ciniki, ƙirar ƙirar sadarwa mara kyau, labarin su game da menene matsalolin, da inda kuma me yasa matsalolin suka taso.
- Marriage.com: A cikin kwarewar ku sama da shekaru 25 a matsayin Kocin Dangantaka da Masanin ilimin halayyar dan adam, menene matsalolin alaƙar da kuka lura da su sakamakon matsalolin tunani?
Jo: Tsoron jin rauni
Matsalolin girman kai
Tsoron rikici
Iyakoki marasa kyau
- Mar alụ.com Amma ta yaya mutum zai gane cewa akwai irin wannan tsarin?
Jo: Ta hanyar lura da yadda ma'aurata ke magance rikici da banbanci; da waɗanne dabarun tsira suke amfani da su don kare kansu daga raunin rauni, misali, suna ihu; sulhu; janye; rufe.
Tambayi yadda suke ji game da rayuwar jima'i.
- Marriage.com: Mene ne muhimman abubuwan da za a tattauna kafin yin aure don kafa ginshiƙan da suka dace don kyakkyawar dangantaka?
Jo: Me aure ke nufi kuma me suka koya girma daga abin da ake nufi
Abin da samun haihuwa ke nufi
Muhimmancin iyali da ji a kusa da danginsu na asali
Muhimmancin kiyaye dangantaka da abin da hakan zai kasance
Yadda suke ji game da auren mace daya
Yaya jin daɗi da sadarwa suke ji game da jima'i
- Marriage.com: Wace irin rawa mutum baya ya taka a mu'amalar sa da matar sa?
Jo: Babban rawar: "Nuna min yadda aka ƙaunace ku, kuma zan nuna muku yadda kuke ƙauna."
Babban yatsa na ƙuruciyar mu yana kan duk hanyar da muke amsawa da amsawa a cikin alakar mu ta kusa.
Salon abin da aka makala tsakanin yaro da babban mai kula da shi ana yin sa ne a cikin alaƙar manya da zaɓin abokin mu.
Za mu, ba tare da saninmu ba, za mu nemi yin kwaikwayon yadda aka ƙaunace mu a ƙuruciyar mu a lokacin balaga.
A kan wannan binciken mai jiyo tare da Psychotherapist Penny Marr yadda abin da ya gabata ya shafi yadda muke ƙauna da yadda zamu iya karya tsoffin alamu marasa kyau.
- Marriage.com Shin wannan yanayin kulle-kullen zai zama babban mai karya yarjejeniya ga ma'aurata da yawa? Akwai abubuwa da yawa da ke faruwa a tausayawa; ta yaya ma'aurata za su jimre da shi?
Jo: Ee, kulle-kullen shine babban abin da ya sabawa wasu ma'aurata waɗanda wataƙila sun yi amfani da nesantawa a matsayin hanyar riƙe alaƙar kuma ba su fuskantar fargabar kusanci da batutuwan da ke tsakanin alaƙar, misali, ta hanyar yin aiki na tsawon awanni, tafiya, zamantakewa.
Ma'aurata na iya jurewa ta hanyar tanadi da tsari. An san jadawalin don tallafawa tsarin tsarin juyayi don haka, zai rage damuwa.
Nemo hanyoyin ƙirƙirar iyakokin jiki (filin aiki da sarari 'gida') kuma, idan zai yiwu, lokaci don alaƙar idan hakan yana jin daɗi.
- Marriage.com: An gaya mana cewa kada muyi ƙoƙarin canza mutumin da muke ƙauna amma duk da haka ma'auratan dole ne su haɓaka da yawa don haɓaka kyakkyawar fahimta, sadarwa, da abin da ba haka ba! Wannan ba abin mamaki bane? Menene ra'ayin ku game da wannan?
Jo: Idan muna son alaƙar ta haɓaka, dole ne mu tambayi kanmu ta yaya, me yasa, sannan me zan iya yi?
Kasancewa da sanin kai, ɗaukar alhakin halayen mu, halayen mu, da ƙarshe bukatun mu, mataki ne na kawo abokin aikin mu zuwa wurin da zasu iya ganin yana cikin son kai don canza halayen su.
Idan abokin tarayya ɗaya ya fita/gane alamu mara kyau na sadarwa, zai iya yin tasiri na ban mamaki akan dangantakar.
Idan muka nuna aniyar mu ta ɗaukar nauyi ta hanyar sanin kai da tausaya wa kanmu, to abokin aikinmu na iya jin kwanciyar hankali da ƙarin wahayi don canzawa.
A cikin wannan kwasfan fayiloli, koyi dalilin da yasa ba ma yin jima'i da muke so da yadda ake samun ta ta hanyar sadarwa mai kyau.
Duba wannan post ɗin akan InstagramKashi na 4 - KYAUTA SADARWA, MAFI KYAU. A cikin wannan shirin muna magana ne da Likitan Zamantakewa kuma abokin haɗin gwiwar 'Jima'i, Soyayya da Haɗarin Ciki' Helena Lovendal. Muna bincika dalilin da yasa ba ma yin jima'i da muke so da yadda ake samun sa. Saurari shirye -shiryen 5 na farko na Lokacin 1 kuma ku yi rajista don sabuntawa ta hanyar haɗin yanar gizon mu.
Wani matsayi da Taswirar Soyayya (@lovemapspodcast) ta raba akan
- Marriage.com: Menene babbar matsalar alaƙar da kuka taɓa taimaka wa ma'aurata su narke zuwa yanzu?
Jo: Co-dogaro, inda ake amfani da cin zali don sarrafa tsoro.
- Marriage.com: Menene ya kamata ma'aurata su yi tsammani kuma kwata -kwata ba za su yi tsammanin daga zaman nasiha ba?
Jo: Ya kamata ma'aurata su yi tsammanin:
- Domin a saurare shi
- Don ƙarin fahimtar menene batutuwan
- Amintaccen sarari
Kada ma'aurata su yi tsammanin:
- Don a gyara
- Don yin hukunci
- Son zuciya
- Marriage.com: Menene ra’ayoyin yau da kullun na ma’aurata game da tunanin auren farin ciki?
Jo:
- Cewa auren farin ciki baya buƙatar kulawa ta yau da kullun.
- Wannan jima'i yana faruwa ta jiki
- Wannan yaron zai hada ma'auratan tare
- Ba fada ba alama ce mai kyau
- Marriage.com: Wadanne hanyoyi ne mafi sauki don samun farin cikin aure ko adana aure?
Jo: Domin samun farin cikin aure ko ajiye aure
- Shirya lokaci don dangantaka
- Shirya lokaci don sauraron juna
- Yarda/rungumar bambance -bambance
- Daukar alhakin motsin zuciyarmu da halayenmu
- Cikin sani da magana da amsa juna ta hanyar da ke nuna gaskiyar cewa mutumin da kuke magana da shi shine mutumin da kuke son kasancewa tare na dogon lokaci.
- Kula da juna tare da girmamawa cewa mutane da yawa suna ajiye kawai don mahimman abokan ciniki/abokan aiki.
- Kafin ku mayar da martani, ɗauki numfashi 3, sannan kuma za ku iya amsawa daga mafi daidaituwa, ɓangaren manya na kwakwalwar ku.
Bayyana hanyoyi masu sauƙi da inganci, Jo yana nuna dalilin da yasa ma'aurata suka kasa ƙirƙirar aure mai daɗi da yadda zasu sami ƙaunar da suke so. Jo kuma yana ba da wasu nasihu, nasihun aure masu daɗi waɗanda za su iya zama da fa'ida ga kowane mutum ko ma'aurata masu buƙatar jagora.